I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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