so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
