I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
