Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
