she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
