I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we made out on top of his cat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
