Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
