I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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