someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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