Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
