it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
