just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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