I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize