I CAN MOONWALK!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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