I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this boner is exhausting
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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