If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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