So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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