Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize