umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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