nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
