wakey wakey hands off snakey
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
