I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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