someone threw a dead crab at me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
