I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
