he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
