You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
