tell your sister to shave her snatch
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
