please come you make the beer taste better
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
