i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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