I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
