She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
