I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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