I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
