My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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