i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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