we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
