ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
