i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
