After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
