He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
