if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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