ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
