Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
