your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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