Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Two words: nipple clamps
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