I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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