My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
