You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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