Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
