That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize