Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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