Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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