1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
