What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
