So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
