You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
