Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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