I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
