I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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