ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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