after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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