I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
