Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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