Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
